Finding Joy in the Unplanned: Reflections on Elaine's Story

In this episode of Happiness Unscripted, host Kristin DeSouza reflects on the inspiring journey of her friend Elaine Vandiver. From a carefree college graduate to a fulfilled farmer in Walla Walla, Washington, Elaine’s story exemplifies how happiness emerges through courage, openness, and trust in navigating life's uncertainties. Kristin discusses key themes from her conversation with Elaine, including the value of 'purposeful flexibility,' noticing what energizes versus drains, and making trust-based decisions over fear-driven ones. Through real stories and examples, Kristin highlights how Elaine's proactive receptivity, engaging actively with life’s possibilities, and sequential clarity led her to an authentic and fulfilling life. The episode encourages listeners to embrace similar values on their path toward happiness.

00:00 Welcome to Happiness Unscripted

00:49 Reflecting on Elaine Vandiver's Journey

02:09 Embracing Uncertainty and Purposeful Flexibility

04:57 The Power of Saying Yes

06:44 Transforming Challenges into Opportunities

13:00 Fear-Based vs. Trust-Based Decisions

24:46 Insights from Elaine's Story

31:00 Closing Thoughts and Next Episode Preview

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Transcript

Kristin, Host: 0:01

Hello, welcome to Happiness Unscripted, where we are on a mission to embrace happiness. I'm your host, Kristin DeSouza. If you're ready to explore the real unscripted journey to deeper happiness and joy in life, then so glad you found us through this podcast. I'm inviting you to join me as we look within ourselves to find a path towards a life we each passionately. Embrace and love with us. Hear real stories from people who've made meaningful changes in their lives to find greater fulfillment alongside wisdom from experts across a range of fields to help inspire and inform your journey. So let's get started. Welcome back to Happiness Unscripted. I'm your host, Kristin DeSouza. Over the past three episodes, we've followed Elaine Vandiver's remarkable journey from a free-spirited college graduate to a fulfilled farmer raising alpacas and growing flowers on a historic homestead in Walla Walla, Washington. As I recorded our conversation and later edited those episodes, certain themes kept surfacing for me, messages that speak directly to what we explore here on Happiness Unscripted. Today, I want to reflect on these insights and how they might illuminate our own path towards genuine fulfillment. I chose Elaine as my first guest, not just because she's a dear friend, though her willingness to share so openly certainly helped, but because her story embodies what this podcast is all about for me. Elaine's journey demonstrates that happiness isn't scripted. It emerges through courage to explore uncertainty, openness to what speaks to our hearts, and trust in our ability to navigate whatever unfolds. Let me start with something that struck me deeply. Elaine's relationship with not knowing what comes next. During Our conversations, she described herself as the'least driven' among our group of college friends, someone who made decisions impulsively, even flippantly yet, when I look at her life today, I see someone who has built something extraordinary through what she calls'pulling at the thread'. I felt like this idea challenged my thoughts about success. I felt like that to be accomplished, people have a clear vision early and execute that vision flawlessly. But talking with Elaine and hearing her story suggests something different to me, that there's profound wisdom in what I'm calling purposeful flexibility. She maintained her core values while remaining open to unexpected ways those values might express themselves. When she describes herself as an impulsive Gemini, I hear something else entirely. I hear someone willing to engage with life as it unfolds rather than forcing predetermined outcomes. Again, I felt like this speaks to something that I'm looking to embrace more now as part of this exploration. Being open to what will make me the happiest in my life, by not being so locked into a set journey or outcome. Elaine demonstrates that receptivity isn't passive waiting, it's active engagement with possibilities. And she even talked about receptivity numerous times in our conversation. And probably the clearest example of that through Elaine's story was after she tried very hard and explored a lot of different avenues towards motherhood and that didn't work out. She was receptive to what else could life bring her And I'm not saying that it was easy at the time that she was having to make that decision, but she has allowed herself an openness to except a different way to find joy and fulfillment and, really is nurturing in a whole different way, I think she demonstrates an intelligence of saying yes, and the pattern that emerged throughout her story is her remarkable willingness to say yes to opportunities that weren't part of her plan. She joined the military after 9/11. Uh, accepting llamas that came with a property purchase, even though she didn't realize it when she purchased the property, moving from alpacas to natural dyes to flower farming, that altogether has led her to be the full-time farmer that she is today. Each of these yeses led to her next discovery. She didn't know that was the direction she was going from the very beginning. She was simply What strikes me is that her decisions weren't reckless. They were responsive and. I feel like that might be something that Elaine wasn't giving herself enough credit for at stages of her life. In listening to her tell her story, she paid attention to what energized her versus what drained her. She noticed what drew her forward, what was she curious about? And she wasn't worried if she couldn't see the full picture. And that's a component that I really admire about her. One of the most powerful aspects of Elaine's story is how some major changes; 9/11, the loss of her mother, the struggle with infertility. These served as compass points for her rather than obstacles or excuses to not find the path that was right for her to go forward Elaine used each of these to explore what did she want her life to be. She ended up creating openings for discovering how her life could develop in unexpected ways for her. Joining the military was not something that any of us knew she could have any interest in, throughout most of college. But she was open to the call that she felt after September 11th to find a way to serve her country and she was willing to take a new path that, wasn't the one that she was talking about through the years of college. And this reframe feels transformational to me. Instead of viewing challenges as derailments, we can learn to see them as potential reroutes towards a more authentic expression of ourselves. for example, when I was going to graduate school, I thought I wanted to try Living in a big city and actually being closer to my family But when on the recommendation of a professor that I respected in undergraduate, I went and looked at Ohio State and ended up really loving and connecting with it, and had a beautiful graduate school experience that actually put me closer to extended family my uncle, my cousins that I had not seen on a regular basis. Through being willing to do something different than what I had originally envisioned, had a lovely, 10 years between graduate school and postdoc of being around those family members and developing much closer relationships with them. And those relationships continue today. So, yeah, could have seen not going to the area that I had originally envisioned as as a derailment. rather, it allowed me a chance to connect with family, that I hadn't developed that relationship with before and now have had decades of benefiting from that closer relationship. there can be a lot of beauty and benefit from being open to doing something other than what you first thought you would do. And I wanna be clear that this doesn't minimize the pain of an experience that doesn't work out the way you want. Elaine's story has some really difficult life moments. but I feel like her story also suggests that there's opportunities to be open to experiences that we didn't initially see, didn't initially appreciate, could be beautiful things for us. Elaine's infertility journey, I think particularly illustrates this, she described it as that was the one thing she'd knew she wanted with her life. And when that didn't work out for her, she had, what I see as strength to open up space for discovering something else that clearly, deeply fulfills her, in different ways than what she had imagined It really struck me deeply as she reflected on it while we were talking, was that she's reached a point in her journey that she says she wouldn't change where she's ended up. really gave me something to sit with and think about that having something that doesn't work out as you had envisioned it, doesn't preclude you from going on to find a different path that can bring you such fulfillment and, I feel like Elaine expresses that with, such a clear sense of peace So I also feel like Elaine's journey illustrates a distinction that's been crucial in my own life. The difference between the decisions driven more by fear versus those, rooted in a sense of trust, trust that I can figure something out where I don't know what the full path will be. Trust that i'll be capable of doing something that feels hard or I'm not sure how I'll do it. I think fear-based decisions can feel urgent and restrictive. An example I can give for myself on where this showed up was clinging to a job that felt secure because I had this fear over not meeting my responsibility to provide for my family financially. If I took a risk in moving into a different role that didn't feel as stable as the one I was in, despite the fact I was mentally, emotionally suffering in the role because it wasn't bringing me fulfillment. Whereas I think trust-based decisions feel very different. It's almost a sense of spacious, It feels exciting and expansive. And for me, when I finally did make a shift in my own career, work began to feel expansive rather than confining. It felt as though I could take a deep breath instead of feeling, like there wasn't enough space to breathe, and I was able to step into the uncertainty, trust my ability to figure things out. I remember talking with a friend about this. and saying that it felt like for a long time I was standing on a precipice, and that precipice felt like a danger. I was at risk of falling, but when I finally was willing to make the move, it was actually stepping off of that precipice and finding out that I was flying. And so, uh, that is something that I go back to at times. When I find myself feeling that restrictive sense, that tells me I'm, in fear right now. And sometimes that means it's signaling to me there is something that I need to do some work on to move from that sense of fear to that sense of trust. I think Elaine embodies this trust-based approach through the numerous examples that she was giving She continued saying yes to opportunities. And then actually did a lot of hard work to develop them into something real. spent a number of years as what she called five o'clock Farmer, where she's doing a full-time job and also building this business until she reached the point that she could really pivot to farming full-time. Her willingness to leave her stable full-time position as an employee and become a full-time farmer wasn't naive or rash. It was grounded in evidence of her own capability that she showed herself over the years of hard work and building up to being ready for that step. talking about how Elaine redefines success on her terms, one of Elaine's most powerful quotes that stayed with me as I was editing the podcast is'I could have money in the bank or I could have this beautiful life. And maybe one day I'll have both but I'm quite pleased with what I've got.' And. I feel like that represents a fundamental shift in defining a successful life. She reflected on, what was gonna feel like success to her at the end of her life. And Elaine has chosen something that has more uncertainty to it, but brings her more fulfillment and. I think you can really hear the creativity that she gets to enjoy in so many different aspects of, farming and embracing all of the personal growth that she's done and continues to have to do in order to build her, farm into everything that she chooses she wants it to be. She demonstrates that we determine our own measure of what makes a life well lived, and I feel like that is really a great representation of what I was thinking about for myself that ultimately led me to wanting to do Happiness Unscripted and finding people out there that are on these types of journeys of a life well lived by their terms and wanting to get to share just how diverse that can be. That said, I also thought it was very honest and insightful that Elaine talked about how it doesn't mean financial considerations are irrelevant. This isn't about just walking away from responsibilities. Elaine was really honest in the third episode about ongoing concerns with money and in terms of having this evolving farming business and how, other factors in her life can influence that. She talked about how her husband, Mike, is looking at when retirement would be possible for him from his full-time government employment. But she talks about making that conscious trade off, choosing work that feels very meaningful and fulfilling to her over maximum security. And I thought it was very strong of her in terms of how much she owns that choice that she makes. Another thing that I feel like I heard in listening to Elaine, is there being wisdom in sequential clarity. That you don't need to see the whole path laid out before you. You just need the next step. She talks about how she moved from alpacas. Having alpacas just as her tractor, she called them, to take care of the fields that they had on this farm that they decided to move to processing the alpacas fiber into a usable good, started out as the yarn that she just thought she was going to use for herself, and then started saying,'oh, well I've got so much of this. What else can I do with it to make it useful?' And so she started making her her yarn and her knitwear and making it available for sale. And then she's looking at that product and going, oh, well these natural colors of the alpaca fiber are beautiful. Wouldn't it be fun to be able to add even more colors, to this product. And so figured out natural dyes and realized that if she's already growing flowers for natural dyes, that she can expand that into flowers that she then provides to people in her area, as bouquets. You know, she's talked about being at the farmer's market. She has her CSA, she has businesses that she provides flowers to during, from spring to late summer, early fall That wasn't a path that she knew,'okay, here's all the steps I'm going to do and here's how I'll know when I'm at the end'. It was just one step at a time, building up to her full farm and each step revealed a new possibility from the previous one. So I think that links back to this idea of fear-based versus trust base. Doing things in sequence, requires some trust that clarity will emerge, as you keep moving forward. So it can mean being willing to start without having all the answers and trusting that a path that works for you will reveal itself as you go. So that has me thinking about, we've listened to her share this amazing journey that she's been on from her college days to having built this impressive farm business today. And what kind of insights might we be able to take from it and apply to our own lives? So the first component that kept coming back to me was practicing receptivity, noticing what opportunities are presenting themselves and maybe not fighting them if they weren't part of your original plan. paying attention to what energizes you versus what drains you, and maybe let that help be a cue and a signal as to which path might be the best fit for you. The second thing that. Listening to Elaine's story in, this continuous way, brought to mind was just starting where you are. You don't need perfect conditions to begin moving towards whatever that is calling to you. Elaine gave examples again and again of how she didn't wait until she knew everything about farming. She learned it by doing, and I think listening to her talk about the flower farming is a great example. I shared that as I've talked to Elaine through the years, she has so much knowledge now about growing flowers and plants She shared nicely with us about how that was just trial and error and, learning by doing. She talked about some of the first flowers she grew were the marigolds that she did just in elementary school where you're planting the seeds in the dirt in a styrofoam cup and growing flowers out of a styrofoam cup. you don't have to have the full plan because sometimes that's a way to give yourself an excuse to sit in a fear and not, start taking a step forward. And finally, I think the last. Piece that I really noted in this was, creating something tangible to you, engaging in activities that produce results you can hold see or experience. Elaine was talking about that from the physical products that she makes, the knitwear, the bouquets of flowers. But I could also see how that same concept can really apply to something more abstract. what if your next step towards happiness requires not more certainty or more planning, but more about trusting in one's ability to navigate the uncertainty wisely. One of the examples of this for myself is several years ago, I stepped in to help assistant coach in some of my kids' sports teams that they play on. Elaine embodies something that I'm still working on. Learning and embracing that only by staying open to what life offers and having the courage to say yes to something unknown, can we find our way to what truly calls and fulfills us. to close up this topic for the month, wanted to share that I feel like Elaine's story shows the deepest happiness often comes not from following someone else's script, but from writing our own, through her brave and authentic choices that she made. One at a time, Elaine's journey from a free spirited college student to this fulfilled farmer building her farm to be exactly what she envisions, illustrates how a very meaningful life often unfolds in ways that we never could have planned, her story reminds us that happiness isn't scripted. It emerges through courage, receptivity and trust in our own capacity to figure things out as we go With that, I will say thank you for joining me. In reflecting on Elaine's very inspiring journey, I continue to be so grateful that she gave me, and everyone who joins in by listening the chance to hear, all of the amazing experiences that she's had in life to date. Next time we'll be exploring Ashley Iduda's story of how embracing her relationship with Christ gave her the inner courage to build a life that truly speaks to her heart. So, until then. I'm going to invite you to consider, as Elaine said, what thread might be waiting for you to pull it?

Speaker 2: 32:03

Well, that's a wrap on this episode of Happiness Unscripted. I'm so grateful you chose to spend this time with me today exploring what it means to build a life we truly love. Your journey matters. The path to happiness isn't always linear, but it's always worth, worth. Remember, this path isn't about perfection. It's about progress, self-compassion, and the courage to keep walking towards your goals. I want you to know that your presence here means everything to me before you go. Take a moment to think about one small thing from today's conversation that gives you joy. Where you can put into practice this week, then please share it in the common section to inspire others. If you found value in what we discussed, please share this episode with someone who might need to hear it or leave us a great review to help others find their way here too. Please follow happiness unscripted on Facebook and Instagram and subscribe so you get updates on the next episode release. I'm Kristin DeSouza and I can't wait to continue our journey towards Happines Unscripted. Let's get happy.