Happiness Unscripted

Finding Purpose: Ashley Iduda Discusses Embracing Inner and Outer Beauty to Live with Intention

• Kristin DeSouza • Season 1 • Episode 8

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In this episode of Happiness Unscripted, host Kristin DeSouza interviews Ashley Iduda, a Christian woman's empowerment coach and podcast host of 'Her Identity Project.' Ashley shares her personal journey of overcoming shame, insecurities, and identity struggles. She emphasizes the importance of identifying and combating limiting beliefs, understanding one's true worth in God, and living authentically. Ashley speaks about how her experiences have influenced her work in helping other women, through her podcast and Designed To Glow workshops, to embrace their God-given beauty and confidence. The conversation touches on the pitfalls of societal pressures and the significance of self-love and acceptance in a profound and holistic sense.

Timestamps

00:00 Welcome

00:50 Ashley Iduda Intro

02:15 Purpose and Plan for Ashley's Life

02:43 Identifying from where limiting beliefs spring

06:50 Shame Thrives in the Dark

09:27 Turning Shame into Purpose

17:01 Ashley's surprising source of motivation

19:31 Living with Intention

21:31 Her Identity Project & Women Who Glow Workshop

28:44 Created unique with purpose, on purpose

30:22 Outro & Closing

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Hey there friends! Just a friendly reminder that this podcast is all about sharing ideas and having fun conversations. I'm not an expert in this subject over here - jut a curious person exploring topics I find interesting. So please don't take anything said here as professional advice. When in doubt, chat with the real pros who know their stuff. Thanks for listening and hope you join us for the next episode! Now, let's dive in and get happy!

Kristin, Host:

Hello, welcome to Happiness Unscripted, where we are on a mission to embrace happiness. I'm your host, Kristin DeSouza. If you're ready to explore the real unscripted journey to deeper happiness and joy in life, then so glad you found us through this podcast. I'm inviting you to join me as we look within ourselves to find a path towards a life we each passionately embrace and love with us. Hear real stories from people who've made meaningful changes in their lives to find greater fulfillment alongside wisdom from experts across a range of fields to help inspire and inform your journey. So let's get started. Ashley is a Christian woman's empowerment coach and podcast host who specializes in helping women discover their God-given inner and outer beauty and confidence. She hosts Her Identity Project: true confidence and inner beauty for Christian women. A podcast focused on biblical teachings about self-worth, beauty, and identity for overwhelmed moms and women struggling with shame and insecurity. Ashley has a background as a makeup artist and has experienced her own journey of overwhelming identity struggles, including imposter syndrome as a stay-at-home mom, along with battles on shame and self-doubt. Her ministry centers on helping women break free from societal labels and find their worth in the relationship with God. Emphasizing that women are God's masterpieces, Ephesians 2:10. Ashley is in her third season of Her Identity Project podcast, which you can find where you listen to podcasts, such as this one. Additionally, she has launched Designed To Glow workshops where she offers guidance based on her formal training as a makeup artist, coupled with biblical teachings on embracing inner self-confidence. In our previous episodes, we talked about your encounters with God's spirit and how this has led you to trust there is a purpose and plan for your life. Today I look forward to hearing how this has led you to your podcast and other work to help people release feelings of inadequacy and shame in order to embrace who they're called to be. One of the things I wanted to ask you about is, that shame has been a reoccurring theme in, the work that you have shared so far. So what are some of the most common labels that you see holding women back from embracing, you their true identity and, to the conversation we were just having, just being? Then how do you help them recognize and break free from those patterns, you with your podcasts and with your program you have been building this year?

Ashley:

Yeah, I think, a lot of us, we don't feel good enough. We don't feel like we measure up. I think that comparison trap is a really big deal, especially with social media. You know, we're always concerned about whether our life is as good as the highlight reel of somebody else's. Um, I think, like we talked about, feeling we have to earn our worth either by being productive or by achieving these milestones. And I think there's lies that, it's not safe to be still. And that, um, the lie that we have to hustle for success, that like success can't come easily, I think with shame, I know for me personally, a lot of my shame came from things I did or things that were done to me in my past, as a child. And I think that I carried that weight for so long and I let that define me. I let my insecurity about those circumstances shape my identity. And so I think there's so much power, to answer the second part of your question, and really identifying like, where do those limiting beliefs come from? First of all, what are they? You have to get really clear on what's holding you back. Because if you don't know where you're coming from, it's hard to overcome it. Right? Or get rid of the stronghold or the bondage. And so, I think that we have to be really honest about what's not working in our life. And then I think that we have to decide'What do I actually believe about this?' Because it really all comes down to beliefs. Our actions are shaped by our belief system and our identity is shaped by our belief system. So I think it's really important to get clear on, was that, is that insecurity truth or is that insecurity something somebody said to you in high school that you're still holding onto or even elementary? I know for me, some of it is rooted all the way back to fourth grade. There's very specific scenarios I can name that have really shaped me. Um, and then I think, really combating those lies with truth.

Kristin, Host:

Nice

Ashley:

that's why I talk about identity in Christ so much because if we believe that, God is who he said he is, then we believe that his word's true. So if he tells me I'm capable and I'm chosen to accomplish a particular mission, who am I to say that I'm not? Who am I to believe those voices in my head So I think there's a very deliberate process that we need to take ourselves through, uh, which is identifying the lies, questioning the lies, and combating it with truth.

Kristin, Host:

Yeah, Well, and I, I really like what you're saying about first of all, identifying or calling out the thing and naming it. You're not being afraid to speak it. And then I think once you start doing that, that's when you can really start, looking deeply at where did this come from? And yeah, what do I think is true about this? Not what someone else told me is true.

Ashley:

Yeah, it's a really good point you brought up because I'll never forget, I went to therapy for a short season. And this therapist is the one who helped me identify that I was holding onto shame. Like, shame wasn't a word that I had used in my vocabulary. It wasn't like on the forefront of my mind. I don't feel like people are walking around like talking about their shame. I mean, let's be honest, I just don't think they are. But, he was like, oh, you're full of shame. And I was like, shame? Like it took me a while to really process wait a minute, what is shame? And, what does that even mean? And I didn't realize that I had been harboring and like holding on to all of this stuff for so long because I had stuffed it so far down that it just, like, I wasn't even honestly aware of it. And so I think that, shame. It is important to talk about because shame thrives in the dark. And I read somewhere once, I almost wanna say it's Brene Brown. She has a book on something about being imperfect. It's the gift of being imperfect or something like that. Such a good book. And she's the one who helped me realize, like find someone you can confide in and tell them your deepest, darkest secret. Like it doesn't have to be your husband, it doesn't have to be somebody that may hold it against you, but it needs to be somebody, either a therapist or somebody you trust. But I think it's when we can start bringing the shame into the light. And you've said this too, I had another podcast guest come on, she's a life coach, and she taught me name it to tame it. So when you can identify like truly name what it is you're struggling with, it loses its power.

Kristin, Host:

Wow. Yeah, I like that. I think there's a lot of truth. I think there's so many things that you can look back through history and society and say, when we weren't speaking about things is when, they were allowed to manifest in a negative way. And when you start speaking them, then they lose that power and, you know really bring it into the light and say, what you truly important about this? Or think that's a great perspective to have. You've been On this journey and it's clearly a very powerful journey that you've been turning some of your, you pain, the shame that you've had into a purpose that you are moving forward with. And so how did your personal journey of overcoming identity struggles lead you to create Her Identity Project, your podcast that you are now in season three of? Yay

Ashley:

It's an interesting journey, I guess, because I don't, in my own brain, it doesn't feel very linear. I'll be honest, when I created the podcast, I was being obedient to God. I, it's not like I woke up one day and said, I'm gonna create a podcast. That's honestly never occurred to me in my life. I simply was, in a season, season where, um, I was about to accept a job and something about it felt, just, I don't know, it just didn't feel the way I wanted it to feel. And I was actually in church one day, and I swear I like audibly heard God tell me,'Made for more', like just the concept of like, this isn't it. Like, made for more, because I had been praying that he would like light up my path and just like, tell me what to do, you know? Because I was so like unsure of what my next steps in my life were gonna be. And I like was about to accept this teaching job. And, um, I had spent the last few years preparing for this exact role in fact. And then, um, and then I just said no to the job. That took a lot of courage, but I prayed about it and I just felt like that's not what God wanted me to do. And so now, you know, I basically stumbled on this opportunity to start a podcast and I was like. Maybe that's it. Like, maybe I'm supposed to talk about you, God. You know, I mean, I really just was like, I feel like he's telling me to do this because it, I don't know about you, but I just responded to an ad I saw on Facebook. Like, I had never heard of Kathy Heller. I had never thought about having a podcast, and I actually wasn't gonna show up. I remember that too. I remember that day being like, eh, I don't really think I care about this. And anyways, I, after listening to it, I was like, oh. Like, this is such a unique way for me to combine my strengths because I do have a background as being, a public speaker. I was on the speech team and in, in community college and, I always felt like I was called to do like this type of work and maybe not really work in like a nine to five. And again, I just didn't know what that would look like. So I just said yes to the calling and I, I told my husband so many times, like through tears, like I was like, I just feel like I'm made to do this. But I was like, I don't even know what it is. Like I don't even know what I'm gonna talk you know? I mean, I did not have this figured out. I just jumped in. I just jumped in and you know that about me, you've been on the journey with me. And I, I didn't, I didn't have a plan and I didn't iron out every detail. I didn't show up with perfection. I just kind of trusted God and was like, I'm just gonna do the thing.'cause you're telling me to do the thing. And here I go.

Kristin, Host:

I love that final statement about I just in without perfection, and I think that right there is just such a powerful statement and I think really embraces one of the things that I'm hoping to bring forward with my podcast is, yeah, you don't have to know every step of the way. You don't have to do it perfectly. You don't have to do it how someone else thinks you should do it. But take that first step I'll share for the audience, the idea behind the podcasting course was that you could launch your podcast in three months. And I have definitely not. But I embraced the fact that I also work full-time and just needed a different pace. And so that was one of the things that I was like, I'm okay with this. I'm not going to criticize or be hard on myself, but you were able to, be ready at three months. And, you know, I know that first season and whatnot, we were having conversations where you're like, oh, I'm just trying to do the next thing just in time. And Here you are, you've grown it I've seen your process come together for you and, its developing very nicely, I think.

Ashley:

Thank you. Thank you so much. And it's worth celebrating you because I keep talking about God's timing and I think like you're right on time,

Kristin, Host:

Mm-hmm

Ashley:

You're doing it, and it's in line with your journey, which again, is going to look different than mine. And that's okay. And I think that's what it's all about, is giving ourself grace to just come as we are and just trust that like it's gonna work out. Because everything always does. Like at the end of the day, when I think back to everything I was so nervous about or I didn't know how it would work out, or it felt like the end of the world,

Kristin, Host:

Mm-hmm.

Ashley:

it just works out. Like God, the universe, whatever you wanna call it, it's working for us if we choose to believe that, you know? And it, and it really is though. Which is so, that's what's so cool about everything.

Kristin, Host:

It's always amazing when you're like this is gonna go terribly, and then you're like, oh, it was actually okay.

Ashley:

Yeah, it's like never as bad or as scary as you think it's gonna be. I can say that I'm definitely, or have been my worst critic in the past. I'm working on not being that person anymore. But yeah, I mean, leave it up to me to create the worst chance experiences in my head every time. And then every time it was like, oh, I can do that. You know? And I gave myself help for like no reason. So, yeah, finally getting out of my own way.

Kristin, Host:

For your podcast and your offering, you're building a community of women who are on this journey together. How does watching other women step into their true identity impact, your own continued growth? What keeps you motivated in the work as you have been doing it now?

Ashley:

Ooh, what keeps me motivated? Um, I think one of the biggest blessings that was really unexpected for me is the, I guess empowerment that I've given to the guests on my show. So like, so much of it I thought was about the audience. Like I just imagined, like my inbox getting filled up with comments of like, oh, this episode changed my life or whatever. And yes, there has been some of that, but even more so I've had my actual guests come on and then inbox me and be like, thank you so much for seeing me. Like thank you for giving me a chance to, have my voice be heard. And um, I've even witnessed some of them are doing the thing, like one of, my guests is going to start a podcast now. Yeah, it's really incredible. Honestly, I really do feel like it's making a difference and it's like not in the way I thought it would though, which is interesting. But, um, even better.

Kristin, Host:

love that about, not in the way you thought it would, but even better. actually, just recently I came across a, meditation manifestation prompt about, saying this thing in life or something better'. It was about the idea of putting out into the universe what it is you're wanting, but be open to the idea that there could be something even better that you haven't been able to envision yet. And so if exact thing that you're want doesn't come to be, maybe that's because you're heading towards something better.

Ashley:

Ooh.

Kristin, Host:

so I like that one a lot.

Ashley:

I love that one too.

Kristin, Host:

So, as someone who's broken free from, shame and fear, what does living authentically or unscripted look like when you try to write that for your life?

Ashley:

I think it, it looks like living with intention. I think it looks like, living connected to God, to the source. I think it looks like, trusting in who he made you to be and his plan for your life, and to break that down into more relatable terms, like we're supposed to, to love life. that's why I do love how your podcast is Happiness, Unscripted. I mean, God wants us to be happy. Like we, we are supposed to go through life feeling, light feeling free, feeling the flow, feeling like in alignment, right? And so we do that when we can get out of our own way and when we can show up for ourselves and like truly trust that we are the person he made us to be. And at the end of the day, I think that's, kind of my mission is what he's showing me. But I think that, um, it comes down to loving yourself and loving, every part of yourself and accepting the parts of yourself that maybe you hate or that you don't think are good enough, like it's, it's like, uh, it really comes down to wholeness and about embracing the good and the bad and loving yourself despite it and being okay with it and just accepting. I think it comes down to acceptance and self love.

Kristin, Host:

Nice. That's beautiful. So, I have a final question for you, but I wanna take a moment and just let you share about your podcast and your Women Who Glow Project so that our audience has some awareness of it. I will have information in the show notes on how to find those things. If anyone would like to, um, follow along with you a bit more.

Ashley:

So yeah, Her Identity Project is on all major platforms and um, it truly is an empowerment podcast. And I mean, I do think, you may get a lot out of it whether you're Christian or not. I mean, I do try to speak to kind of as God in general, but of course, as a Christian, I think part of, part of the whole thing is Jesus and I wouldn't be where I am without him. So, you know, I've tried to take the Christianity bit out so many times if I'm being honest with you, and it always comes right back in because I'm like, well this is just my journey and it's who I am. So, you know, I guess it really is for Christian women who wanna rise up and become their most authentic selves and become the woman God created you to be. I mean, that's really what it's for. And I try to combine that with some, how do I say, I guess kind of, uh, there's some psychology to it too, because I think that that's really important is like understanding neuroscience and understanding, like rewiring our brain. And I talk about physiology, like getting out of your head and into your body because I think it's so easy to get wrapped up in the mental spiral and also so easy to take ourselves out if you just know how.

Kristin, Host:

yes

Ashley:

I've learned a lot of about trauma and about somatics and things like that. And so I do try to incorporate methodologies in there that are very practical. A lot of my guests are, you know, life coaches or people with some expertise on this stuff. And then some women with some incredible testimonies, in Christ. Um. And I think the coolest thing too is I'm just learning to trust God. I offer makeup lessons. That's been just a joy of mine. My whole career is I do love to do makeup, but I love to teach it. I think makeup can be used as a tool for creativity, I think. And God wants you to be creative, like you're made in the image of God. God is creative. Makeup is an outlet to enhance your natural beauty. So I love to show women how to show up and, and love what they see in the mirror. Like how to actually, truly embrace yourself. And then, the, the newest thing is I feel a calling to go deeper. How can we truly love ourselves the way God loves us? How can you incorporate all of those parts? Of your shadow that you don't love, how can we get rid of the limiting beliefs? And so I do have a program, that combines the inner beauty, like the heart work of the identity in Christ, with practical makeup tips. So it's, it's an interesting combination of both. And I think my goal is to redefine beauty. I just think so many women, they get caught in the comparison trap and they see the, the med spa women and the fillers, and the celebrities and, and it's just, you know, God made you perfect as you are, so why not embrace your imperfections? And why not choose to just love yourself, as the imperfect person you are. Um, so yeah, if that resonates with anyone, definitely just follow me on social media. I have some, I'm not sure when you're gonna air this, but I have some makeup lessons available. I do, One On One lessons virtually, so it can happen no matter really where you are in the world. We hop on Zoom together, I do 30 minute lessons. If you wanna, do the whole shebang, I offer one hour lessons, two hour lessons. And then, my course is still in the works of being refined, but it's between four and six weeks and it has, we look at scripture, we identify some limit limiting beliefs, and we learn, how to put ourselves together in a way that, feels good for us.

Kristin, Host:

Excellent. Thank you for sharing. I love the idea of that you're looking at limiting beliefs and, you know, makeup because I think I can see feeling confident in, you you are presenting yourself and liking how you're presenting yourselves can go a long way towards having the ability to look at those limiting beliefs to, you them and evaluate them like we've talked about in the podcast. So I think that's a beautiful combination.

Ashley:

Thank you. Thank and thanks for your friendship and your encouragement'cause. I remember when I first had the idea and you were like, yeah, it can work. And it's taken me a while to even see that, but I really do, I believe in it, and I think that that's really the heart of God's mission for my life, at least for now.

Kristin, Host:

Nice.

Ashley:

yeah, and I'm starting to step into coaching certification, so I'm really learning how to, really properly be able to hold space for women in a way that can truly be transformative.

Kristin, Host:

That's lovely. I think you will do that in a very generous and warm, inviting way. So I think that's a great path for you.

Ashley:

Aw, thank you.

Kristin, Host:

Yeah. So as I said, I have a final one, final question. Hopefully, I've expressed here that I do find your journey very moving and your willingness to share it with others, quite an expression of openness and giving of yourself. So is the core message of loving and embracing yourself that you'd like to share with others looking to accept themselves in a loving relationship with God.

Ashley:

Yeah. Um, it just goes back to knowing who you are in Christ that he really did create you unique with a purpose, on purpose, with intention. Like you were literally created in his image. You can walk in his authority. Like there isn't anything you can't do, if it's for you. So I think just owning that, like owning who you truly were created to be, and being brave enough to seek it out. And, um, I think that's true self-love is, the ability to see yourself, uh, through God's eyes, to see yourself the way he sees you.

Kristin, Host:

Beautiful. That would be a very, amazing way to be able to see yourself. And so I think that's a great, goal for us to be striving towards. I actually wanna thank you so much for coming on today. This has really been a lot of fun. I've really enjoyed getting to hear more of the full story of your journey and, thoughts on how to help all of us really live in our authentic selves and find, happiness in life that will make us feel fulfilled and free. So I thank you so much.

Ashley:

Oh, it's been my pleasure. I think this was a beautiful time together. Thank you.

Kristin, Host:

Well, that's a wrap on this episode of Happiness Unscripted. I'm so grateful you chose to spend this time with me today exploring what it means to build a life we truly love. Your journey matters. The path to happiness isn't always linear, but it's always worth it. Remember, this path isn't about perfection. It's about progress, self-compassion, and the courage to keep walking towards your goals. I want you to know that your presence here means everything to me before you go. Take a moment to think about one small thing from today's conversation that gives you joy. Where you can put into practice this week, then please share it in the common section to inspire others. If you found value in what we discussed, please share this episode with someone who might need to hear it or leave us a great review to help others find their way here too. Please follow happiness unscripted on Facebook and Instagram and subscribe so you get updates on the next episode release. I'm Kristin Deza and I can't wait to continue our journey towards happiness unscripted. Let's get happy.

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Kristin DeSouza

Host
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Ashley Iduda

Guest