Happiness Unscripted

Kena Siu: Navigating Life's Transitions with Midlife Butterfly

• Kristin DeSouza • Season 1 • Episode 10

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Kena Siu: Navigating Life's Transitions with Midlife Butterfly

In this episode of 'Happiness Unscripted,' host Kristin DeSouza talks with Kena Siu, the self-love and empowerment guide behind Midlife Butterfly. Kena shares her journey through significant life transitions, including multiple marriages, moving to different countries, and profound personal losses. She discusses how these experiences led her to launch the Midlife Butterfly brand and become a guide for women navigating midlife transformations. Kena emphasizes the importance of self-love, breaking free from old patterns, and embracing life's 'sacred in-between' moments. She also highlights the critical role of self-care, mindfulness, and creating new habits in achieving a fulfilling and joyful life.

Timestamps:

00:00 Opening

00:49 Kena Siu's Introduction

05:44 Kena's rich life, full of transitions

09:50 Questioning everything

13:35 "What do I have to shift to heal?"

15:32 "I didn't love myself like I thought I did."

17:32 Becoming your own best friend

19:26 Little Tweaks can lead to a lifestyle of self-care

21:36 Midlife Butterfly born from the 'messy middle'

28:43 Using personal metamorphesis to help guide others

35:26 Midlife Butterfly: Discovering who you are becoming

39:39 The Sacred Inbetween: The space where we are always evolving and changing

46:58 Outro

47:29 Closing

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🎙️Podcast: midlifebutterfly.ca/podcast

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Hey there friends! Just a friendly reminder that this podcast is all about sharing ideas and having fun conversations. I'm not an expert in this subject over here - jut a curious person exploring topics I find interesting. So please don't take anything said here as professional advice. When in doubt, chat with the real pros who know their stuff. Thanks for listening and hope you join us for the next episode! Now, let's dive in and get happy!

Kristin - Host..:

Hello, welcome to Happiness Unscripted, where we are on a mission to embrace happiness. I'm your host, Kristin DeSouza. If you're ready to explore the real unscripted journey to deeper happiness and joy in life, then so glad you found us. Through this podcast. I'm inviting you to join me as we look within ourselves to find a path towards a life we each passionately embrace and love. With us, hear real stories from people who've made meaningful changes in their lives to find greater fulfillment alongside wisdom from experts across a range of fields to help inspire and inform your journey. So let's get started. Today I'm thrilled to welcome Kena Siu, the self-love and empowerment guide behind Midlife Butterfly and host of the Midlife Butterfly Podcast. Kena specializes in guiding women through life's most challenging transitions divorce, loss, reinvention, and soul awakening using trauma-informed coaching that combines meditation, inner child work, somatic awareness, and what she calls radical self-love. Her own journey through multiple countries, languages, marriages, and profound losses led her to create a movement for women who are ready to drop the people pleasing, heal old patterns, and build lives of freedom and authentic purpose. She describes herself as living in the sacred in between that transformative space where we're no longer who we once were, but not quite who we're becoming yet. Today we're exploring what it means to embrace your inner midlife butterfly and create a life your truly joyful living. I'm so excited to spend this time together with Kena, diving into your amazing story and literal transformative work you do with women in their midlife. Welcome. I'm so happy to have you here today.

Kena Siu:

Oh, Kristin thank you so much for the invitation. I'm so glad to be here. And I know this is gonna be super jammy, so Yeah, ready to, to dive in.

Kristin - Host..:

Excellent, excellent. Well, I'll start by asking you to just introduce yourself and share who you are. Tell us the essence of your Midlife Butterfly brand. What draws you to this work of guiding women through midlife transitions?

Kena Siu:

Okay. Well, who I am, gonna use labels of course, but that's what defined us in know humanists. So, I'm actually from Mexico. I'm living in Canada. I've been here for almost 15 years. I label myself, myself as an empowerment guide for midlife women, uh, to help them really reconnect back to their soul. That's basically what I, what I love, uh, doing. I enjoy freedom traveling. I'm a digital nomad. During the winter, I escape; I escape Montreal. I'm family oriented even though I don't have kids. I'm single at the moment, but I love community. I love, connection with nature, with people, with myself. I love doing the inner work and digging more into who I am. That's one of my jams. uh, yeah. When it comes to, Midlife Butterfly, it just, it was born literally like, well this year because I have had my, my business for a few years, uh, before, it was called, the Wellbeing Project. But then when I decided to launch, my podcast, which came out in January, then I was looking for a name and it came Midlife Butterfly. And it just resonated so much more with the other name that I had. So I decided to rebrand my my business, I call it business, my company. And uh, and then from there it came this idea of, of Midlife Butterfly to really as a business because in midlife we are going to so many transformations, either if it's divorce, separation, or empty nesters,or awakening, uh, moving to different countries. So many things are happening in this chapter of our lives and we're continuously transforming. And, and the butterflies always going to that process, you know? And so that's why, kind of like the two words of midlife butterfly.'cause I think it's, it's, it's such a beautiful chapter in our lives. I don't think it's a crisis anymore. Probably at one point I thought about it. It's really an awakening and to be your true selves to having that opportunity to, uh, explore and better set. Remember who we truly are.

Kristin - Host..:

That's lovely. That is such a insightful, thoughtful description. And, um, as we'll probably talk about it a little bit more, but as I've was reading about you, I'd love your description of kind of the metamorphosis aspect of butterfly and the cocoon and coming out of the cocoon and who you want to be. And, um, I love some of the things you talk about in terms of. Really, this is a stage of life where, I think, as an individual we come to know who we are better. We're not with our parents, we're not trying to figure out who we are with other people in the world. It's really more about ourselves internally. So I think that's such a, a well aligned, um, branding.

Kena Siu:

Thank you.

Kristin - Host..:

As I said, I've learned some things about you and I think you have a very, unique life history. And so I can tell you've lived an incredibly rich life just from looking at your Midlife Butterfly website. I think you can clearly speak very knowledgeably about transitions.'cause it seems you've done so many yourself already in life. Uh, it says you've had four weddings lived in three countries and speak three languages. Uh, can you paint a picture for us about your life, prior to the transition where all of these different things were part of it?

Kena Siu:

Okay. Well, of course not everything happened at the same time. Otherwise, I would not be here. Right. but I mean, so the first time I was married, I met a guy, I was, I was working for Royal Caribbean, so we met there. He's from Romania, so we got married, we decided to go live there. And then, I, I told him since the beginning, I want to go live to in Canada, and he agreed. So, while we were living there, we were in the process of immigrating to Canada. In the meantime, the marriage didn't work. Uh, so for me, I take it as it was kind of like the bridge for me to come to Canada, you know, like my dream of coming to Canada and he's living here as well. He already remarried And he's living in, uh, in Vancouver. You know, he's also happy even though we're not in contact anymore, but I know he's doing well. And, uh, and then when I moved here a few months after. I met someone, we were together for almost 10 years. Uh, we were married as well, so is when I was started, like to improve my French in here. So that's why my, my mother tongue is uh, Spanish. because I'm from Mexico. So then English was my second language and then French became my third language, uh, which was quite a transition when I got here because even though when they also speak English, since I'm in Quebec, they are very strict protecting the language here. So it was a bit hard, the beginning to get a job and, you know, the whole process. And then coming here not knowing anyone, uh uh, I mean it was, it was quite a process. To be here, like, you know, being an, an immigrant and, uh, then having, and then I started working, and then I would go to take French classes in the evening. So there were days that I would start at eight in the morning and end up until 10:00 PM like

Kristin - Host..:

Oh wow.

Kena Siu:

Yeah. At least for two years. It was like that. Uh, and then so these other relationship, uh, developed. We were together then. Uh, what had happened with the, with the one that I, that I, that I talk about my 4, 3, 2, 1, it was the, uh, the transition of my father. He suddenly passed away in September 2019. thanks to that, I started questioning my whole life. it's when I that I fell into a comfort zone. And there's no magic in the comfort zone. Right. Even though our relationship was good, but we stopped, you know, building memories together. Doing things together. I started a few years before into my spiritual path, even though I tried to, you know, kind of invited him. He was not ready for that, and it probably took me around two, three years to finally realize that he's not ready. But I needed to move forward. And, uh, the transition of my father kind of questioning my whole life, then I was like, yes, this is, I cannot stay here anymore. It was, has been one of the hardest decisions that I have ever taken, because we noticed that we love each other more than we actually thought, but we, at the same time, we realized that we were better separated.

Kristin - Host..:

Oh right, yeah, that would be very challenging to know you love someone, yet you're better off with separate lives, not fully entwined. May I ask, um, what was it about the passing of your father that really, um, brought to light for you that you felt like you, maybe weren't living a life that was fully engaging for you?

Kena Siu:

I started questioning everything like,

Kristin - Host..:

Okay.

Kena Siu:

What about my job? I was already working for an association for several years. I was not able to grow anymore. So I was not learning, and for me, learning is something that turns me on. So I was already like, eh, this is very boring. Then the opportunity for a new job came in, but then COVID came in. So I just went to the new job for six weeks and then we went, sent home. Right?

Kristin - Host..:

Oh no.

Kena Siu:

And I guess because of, of the pandemic, just the process of my separation just kind of speed up, I, knew already that it was going to happen because also that was one of the questions that I did. Am I really happy in my marriage? And I was like, not really. Like, again, we're not growing, we don't have more things in common anymore. My spiritual past path is very important for me. And he was not ready to, you know, to be into that because even though he will listening to me, was telling things and he will have, uh, a face. What the fuck? Like, you know, like what are you talking about like, I'm listening, but I, I'm clue, clueless, you know, so it was like talking to the wall and I was like, no, I want someone that really can, you know, like have a conversation about these deep conversations about the soul and getting to know who I am and how I was shifting and, you know, all those things. yeah. So that's why I, I decided to shift my life and it was a 180 turn, like Totally,

Kristin - Host..:

Okay.

Kena Siu:

yeah.

Kristin - Host..:

Goodness. So then you're in COVID. You have a job that you had barely started and were sent home. Now, were you still trying to do the job remotely or was this a type of position where like the company just had to initially fully shut down?

Kena Siu:

No, I was lucky that we, I was able to do it remotely. The thing

Kristin - Host..:

Okay.

Kena Siu:

for event management, the

Kristin - Host..:

Okay.

Kena Siu:

that we were supposed to work at, most of them, they got canceled or they got put postponed. I worked for

Kristin - Host..:

Okay.

Kena Siu:

uh, that it was virtual, so that one, you know, we managed. But then, yeah, so everything I think comes, came to an end and uh, and I was like, well, I think it's the time to. They sent us home. Then by that time, I already like separated, so I,

Kristin - Host..:

Mm,

Kena Siu:

away from, from the apartment, uh, that I was living in. And then I rented an apartment for the first time living on my own. So I was like, I'm still enjoying it. It's so good to live alone.

Kristin - Host..:

it is

Kena Siu:

it's so, yeah. So I was like, okay, if um, this is my second divorce, like,

Kristin - Host..:

Mm-hmm.

Kena Siu:

the common denominator in here. And I noticed already that there were some patterns that I was repeating. I was

Kristin - Host..:

Oh,

Kena Siu:

I don't want to eventually get into another relationship and keep repeating the same things.

Kristin - Host..:

mm-hmm.

Kena Siu:

That's why I really took the time to go in and to see, okay, what, what, what is it in there? What is it that I have to shift to heal Yeah. The, to fix, I mean, but it's not fixing, again, it's about remembering who we really are because we have been programmed and conditioned so much that we patterns and, and believe that most of them, they are, they don't even belong to us. that's,

Kristin - Host..:

Yeah.

Kena Siu:

cleaning up that shit.

Kristin - Host..:

Well, to that point of, uh, it's not something to fix, but I, I would probably say in 2019, I really started to question a lot of things for myself, in terms of I was in a job that I felt like I should love, but I was really struggling in it. I was struggling to communicate with, my husband and, close friends and family about how I was struggling and that I was struggling. And so, I just, I was having a similar question of why is this happening? What's wrong with me? But I've come to realize that I felt like maybe I was forcing myself into some sort of box or whatnot that wasn't right for me. And so it was, I feel like it's more recognizing oh, I'm in this space that doesn't fit me correctly and I need to figure out how to make some adjustments.

Kena Siu:

definitely.

Kristin - Host..:

okay. See, we get into interesting side conversations. so now you're having your first experience of living on your own there and figuring out who you are. Um, do you feel like there was anything that particularly struck you or surprised you about that experience of living on your own and, asking yourself, who do you want to be and what do you want your life to be?

Kena Siu:

Yeah. I guess before that, what I, I realized is that I didn't love myself like I thought I did, you know? We said, oh yeah, I love myself. When I went deeper, like that's not true. If I'm not accepting, if I'm not understanding who I am and, and if I'm not, I mean, if I'm still like, ashamed to look at my shadow part, which is, which are the parts that again, we're ashamed, we have guilt or, um, they taught us how to ignore because according to cultural, religion, society, whatever, it's not permitted or well seen. Uh, if we don't accept those parts of ourselves, we cannot really love ourselves.

Kristin - Host..:

Okay.

Kena Siu:

So that of the things that I went, that's what I do shadow work and, and not only shadow, but light work too, because accepting who we are in our light, it's also we're we are ashamed or we feel like we don't deserve it or we're not worthy of lighting, you know, and we tend, to dim ourselves. So it's this duality that we gotta work on it to,

Kristin - Host..:

Yeah.

Kena Siu:

to bring out all parts of us. And the cool part is when we get to work with the shadow part and put them all together and accept them and love them, uh, people can come and tell us whatever, you know, us or give us shit or whatever it is. And it's like, yeah so what. I, I already know it and, and I already love myself because of that, you know? So yeah, I think it's very important. But one of the first things that I started doing, uh, to start loving myself was to become my best friend. And

Kristin - Host..:

Mm-hmm.

Kena Siu:

To do that, the first things that I did to change my inner vocabulary, because the inner critic is the worst voice ever. Like, not even our worst, worst enemy will tell that our inner critic says. So is when I started reprogramming my mind on saying, okay, instead of myself, oh, you're such a, you're so stupid, or You're doing this wrong, or judging myself all the time, giving myself hard time. I was like, okay, how will I treat my best friend?

Kristin - Host..:

Mm. Okay.

Kena Siu:

How would I talk to her? How will I treat her? How will I love her? How will I accept her? So

Kristin - Host..:

Mm-hmm.

Kena Siu:

this, you know, little shift that everything is on the mind, right? Because basically it, is there, and that's the only thing we can actually control. So by doing this shifts, little by little, and by taking self-care practices over and over again to a deeper level, like if before I was having already, you know, meditation and journaling and doing yoga and stuff. So I went even deeper and that's what I called covid a blessing because I had the time to do it. I didn't have to say no to invitations because we were not allowed to go to places.

Kristin - Host..:

Yeah.

Kena Siu:

I was like, yeah, so let's, let's take care of myself. Like they asked me to come home and I learned to come home here into my heart

Kristin - Host..:

Mm.

Kena Siu:

And once I got there, I mean, I can be anywhere. It doesn't matter where I am, but I know that I'm always home.

Kristin - Host..:

That's beautiful. I love that idea that home is in your heart and so you always have it

Kena Siu:

Yes.

Kristin - Host..:

with you and accessible,

Kena Siu:

Yeah.

Kristin - Host..:

I like how you were saying you were just making these, little tweaks and whatnot because I, I describe the journey that I see myself on now and has led to doing this Happiness Unscripted podcast, as I would say. I just figured out what's like the next tiny step I could take. You know, I didn't feel like I had the capacity to do anything huge at the time, because I'm working full time and I'm a wife and I'm a mother of two young kids, and it just felt, everything felt so much and so consuming that I was like,"okay, well what's one tiny thing I can do to make a change?" And it's like tiny step after tiny step and, has led to just a much happier place. And yes, very much more self-aware of, what I need and when I'm treating myself well. How that then gives me the capacity to be present and, supportive of others,

Kena Siu:

Yes. And that's the thing is it's about compounding, right?

Kristin - Host..:

Mm-hmm.

Kena Siu:

yeah, it is a new habit here. And then it's like, okay, so this one's already integrated, then do another one. the thing is, that's what self-care is. Self-care is habits.

Kristin - Host..:

Mm-hmm.

Kena Siu:

being, as you said, aware and being mindful about the habits that we're integrating in our life, and then self care can actually become a lifestyle.

Kristin - Host..:

Yes. Yes, I definitely agree. And it's, it's amazing to me how, the little things I've incorporated. Like, I start my day with a giant glass of water and that, uh. we just came back from a vacation and so I wasn't always doing that. And I got back and I was like, okay, I feel off. but now it's like, oh, okay, wait, I haven't been doing my water habit. Okay, I'm gonna get back into that. And you can just find those things and it's so easy to pick them back up once you have focused on. For me I find it helps. I'm gonna pick one thing I'm gonna work on and, like you said, get that habit established so it just becomes automatic.

Kena Siu:

Yes.

Kristin - Host..:

yeah. So if I can move on with a new question that I think ties in here. Um, you describe Midlife Butterfly as being born in the messy middle and birthed from your own ashes. Um, I think maybe you were talking about the pivotal moment, uh, that you realized you needed to stop living on autopilot and choose yourself. um, did you feel like you really had to, be at a very low point in your life for that? And then has it been like a building backup process or would you say it's been more of just, um, realizing you weren't honoring who you wanted to be? Turning to prioritizing that first and then, do the other pieces in your life feel like they fall into place better?

Kena Siu:

Yeah, I think it has been more like a, like a process. It was

Kristin - Host..:

Okay?

Kena Siu:

I mean, the transition of my father death, I just, that was like a, you know, really, really harsh and painful and, you know,

Kristin - Host..:

Mm-hmm.

Kena Siu:

things. guess the process is started before, like when I

Kristin - Host..:

Okay.

Kena Siu:

Canada, like I, I was, I was 32 or something like that, and I was like, uh, I never was able to really follow like a exercise of anything. And I was like, okay, if I'm moving there, I want to start now a routine. And so I, that's, it's when I started doing yoga and by practicing yoga is when finally my mind and my body connected.

Kristin - Host..:

Okay.

Kena Siu:

little by little this, my body was like, okay, I think it's time to change your eating habits. It was really my, my body, you know, requesting all these shifts that I just, started following. And that's how I, I started eating more, uh, plant-based foods. And then at that time I was doing more like smoothies and green juices and, you know, things like that. Uh, so it has been a process of yeah, like little by little in there. And then I did a certification as, uh, as a yoga teacher. So that was, was, that was a one year training, so that was very, very deep. And I was, I can call, yeah. One of that very life shifting. And then I also did a, a meditation training. Um, yeah, so that was like a. One. Yeah, that was 2017 to 2018. That one, yeah. So that was a big part. And then in 2019 it was a transition of my father. So that was like the biggest part. I can, I can say, because he is, when I really did the, I realized there was no magic in my life. Like seriously the comfort zone. It was just so, uh, it was so draining. And I didn't notice because, uh, when I separated until I left the bubble is

Kristin - Host..:

Yeah.

Kena Siu:

holy shit, like that was bad.

Kristin - Host..:

Yeah. Yeah.

Kena Siu:

You know? Until you don't move from there. I didn't realize all the things that were happening in there. You know, like

Kristin - Host..:

Mm-hmm.

Kena Siu:

a lot of, uh. Toxic, uh, habits and ways of being as a couple,

Kristin - Host..:

Mm-hmm.

Kena Siu:

that I didn't realize they were there. I was like, yeah, this is not serving me, not serving him, like none of us. And that's

Kristin - Host..:

Mm-hmm.

Kena Siu:

that when we separated, we realized, yeah, we're wedded off because this relationship is just like, no, it's not working anymore.

Kristin - Host..:

Oh goodness. Yeah. Yeah.

Kena Siu:

Yeah.

Kristin - Host..:

it is so interesting to hear that. Yeah. It was like once you were out of it, you could look back and see how, um, the, the negative things that were there for you, that you were kind of living in or sitting in and, um, I really look back to, 2018, 2019.'cause it was 2020, uh, late 2019, so going into 2020 that I really started to work on like, all right, things are not clicking right. I need to make some changes. And, It's shocking to an almost scary level to me to look back and say, oh, yeah, I was really not in a good place, um, mentally and emotionally, just in terms of, I wasn't living a life in a way that was filling me with joy. You know, I was not prioritizing those things. And it's, it's kinda amazing that we can let ourselves get into that place and sit in it for a while before we go, wait a minute. Like, what's going on? Something's not right here.

Kena Siu:

Yeah. And the thing is sometimes, I mean, life happens, right? And it's gonna throw you things for freaking wake up because within two years, my father transitioned, I separated and then divorced. And my best friend, my best girlfriend, like, she broke up with me. So it was like grief over grief, over grief.

Kristin - Host..:

Yeah.

Kena Siu:

I mean, it was a very, very hard time

Kristin - Host..:

Yeah.

Kena Siu:

But again, it's, it's probably what I, I, I, mention about You know, becoming ashes, because relationship

Kristin - Host..:

Mm-hmm.

Kena Siu:

there's a part of us that dies. And I do believe it's very important to process that self grief. Usually they

Kristin - Host..:

Okay.

Kena Siu:

grief for the person who died. Yeah. But because of that person dying, something in me died as well.

Kristin - Host..:

Mm-hmm.

Kena Siu:

going through that process, I consider that is very, very important to do

Kristin - Host..:

Mm-hmm.

Kena Siu:

because I mean, it's, it's a relationship that you will not, you will never have again. It's all these, you know, intimacies,

Kristin - Host..:

Mm-hmm.

Kena Siu:

confidence, uh, memories with that specific person.

Kristin - Host..:

Yeah.

Kena Siu:

uh, yeah. So that, yeah, that was a, that was a hard time. But I mean, again, it's about dying and reverting. It's, it's, it's what we keep doing in life, you know? That's why,

Kristin - Host..:

Yeah, no. Yeah, I, I think that is so accurate to say you, yeah. Part of you dies and, you know, there's kind of the ashes remaining of that. Yet at the same point, as long as we are blessed to get, to keep being on earth, you, you find a way to pick yourself up out of that point and, how are you gonna move forward? Um, you hopefully find something positive to carry forward with you from those experiences.

Kena Siu:

Yeah.

Kristin - Host..:

so it seems like this own personal metamorphosis that you've been through has led you to become a guide for other women going through similar transformations. Can you share a bit about, obviously you have a strong, coaching business And so, can you share, how did you come to say,"okay, I'm going to help other women, understand and find tools to move through this process themselves"?

Kena Siu:

it's basically for my life experience.

Kristin - Host..:

Okay.

Kena Siu:

I have taken programs, I've been with coaches and mentors and still until, this day. since I've been applying so many things into me, like, uh, I took a program called Master Your Mindset. Then took another one was the Mastery of Love. um. Energy therapy, like to process the grief of my father and my marriage, then becoming my best friend. This one was, it came from, from myself. I can say that one. So I have been picking up different things with other mentors and also, like by doing shadow work, connecting more with my body. And that's what I also, work with somatics with, with my clients. And then, uh, having them go better to the root of what's causing them, their pain or their triggers. Because it is, it's not about just, uh, okay, this is happening. It's not about patching things. It's, it's more about going to the root. Because by going to the root, then you can heal as a domino effect many other things by under,

Kristin - Host..:

Okay.

Kena Siu:

by understanding those and by using, I mean, creating new habits in life by implementing new things that individuals. Like, because I say I can just, I, this is what I can recommend according to my experience, but it's like, what do you like doing?

Kristin - Host..:

Mm-hmm.

Kena Siu:

cookie cutter, right? It's, it's, it's

Kristin - Host..:

No. No.

Kena Siu:

Each of us will go to different things, even though a lot of them are similar.

Kristin - Host..:

Mm-hmm.

Kena Siu:

when I started changing my habits and changing my mindset, I was like, you know what? I, I was not sick, but I didn't realize I was not healthy either.

Kristin - Host..:

Mm-hmm.

Kena Siu:

And I was like, I cannot believe I can, I'm feeling much better just by eating, by changing my foods, by doing meditation, by being more aware, uh, you know, all those shifts. And also like, okay, what, what do I want my inner voice to be? And I was like, it felt so good that I was like, share it like that. That's, I mean, that was the thing is like, I

Kristin - Host..:

Yeah.

Kena Siu:

feel so good in my body now that I gotta share it. Like, it's like, yeah, I didn't have, I felt like I didn't have any other option, you know?

Kristin - Host..:

Yeah. Well, I feel watching your body language here, it's almost like you can see it just wanting to explode out of you and say, I want to share this with people. I want everyone to have the opportunity to, feel good about themselves and life.

Kena Siu:

Yeah. Because again, it's a programming, the conditioning that have us, in, in, in this, uh, living in anxiety, in rushing and stress. But the thing is, there are ways that we can do to get out of that rabbit hole

Kristin - Host..:

Mm-hmm.

Kena Siu:

There are ways

Kristin - Host..:

Yes.

Kena Siu:

definitely it takes effort. Yes. But being

Kristin - Host..:

Mm-hmm.

Kena Siu:

also takes effort. So what about just being mindful and taking the effort to get out of that pain to live better? Because I came to understand now that we are the creators of our life. So,

Kristin - Host..:

Mm-hmm.

Kena Siu:

create a life that you freaking love. You can do. If you

Kristin - Host..:

Yeah.

Kena Siu:

are miserable. Like build something that you can love, that you can enjoy. We're here to enjoy life. Yes, life is a rollercoaster. Things are gonna happen. That's for sure. That's the duality

Kristin - Host..:

Yes.

Kena Siu:

of it. But when we keep seeing life, choosing to see life with other lenses, by working in our mindset, how we want to approach life, living with intention, with more presence, you know, all these things, uh, we get to choose better every time. I'm

Kristin - Host..:

Mm-hmm.

Kena Siu:

better.

Kristin - Host..:

Yeah. Yes.

Kena Siu:

cool. It's so cool to

Kristin - Host..:

It is, It is. Well,, and I think one of the things I had, I, in my mind, it's like a trap that I fell into was focusing on the things that felt difficult and a struggle and I, didn't enjoy. And it's not like I made, all of those things go away. I still, uh, still have days where I'm like, oh, I gotta wash the laundry. So, there's clean clothes to wear. Okay. Um, just a little bit of switching to say, well, let me think about something, good about this, and wow, how lucky am I that I can have a whole selection of clothes that need to be washed because, I've been blessed to be able to get an education that lets me have a job that lets me pick clothes that I like to wear. You know? And I think, I just working on that little mental mind switch that I feel like, is something you have really been talking about throughout. Uh, it's amazing how just better life can seem.

Kena Siu:

Yeah, and what you mention is it's so important that to have that gratitude for what we have, what we

Kristin - Host..:

mm-hmm.

Kena Siu:

we are. Nobody's perfect. I think it would be so boring if everyone would be perfect. Yeah.

Kristin - Host..:

Oh yeah,

Kena Siu:

Right. So, but when we get to really be grateful for all of that, even when we don't like some parts of us, but saying, okay, but I'm grateful for it because, whatever, uh, that's how we get to receive more and that's how we get to create better things and, that, yeah. And appreciating life itself,

Kristin - Host..:

Yes, yes.

Kena Siu:

Yeah.

Kristin - Host..:

It's such a beautiful thing. Yeah. And it's ups and downs. We talked about that you use this, butterfly, metaphor, the midlife butterfly, and, um, can you explain the women that you work with, like what does that end up representing for them?

Kena Siu:

Oh,

Kristin - Host..:

midlife, but

Kena Siu:

midlife butterfly. Well,

Kristin - Host..:

yeah.

Kena Siu:

it depends where they are, you know,

Kristin - Host..:

Okay.

Kena Siu:

in their lives. Uh, I like one of my dear clients, she's been working with me since November last year, and I can see her now, like the shifts, like she is done. I, I, I'm just like, sometimes, you know, we hang up the call and start just bawling, you know? It's like, oh yes. Like, so proud of herself and, and the awareness that she's been able to, to create her life the way she has improved the relationship with her two children. She's, she's a, um, uh. How do say alone? Mom? Single mom. Yeah. And, uh, and then just like, uh, she went on vacation this summer and she just told me I had such a great time. And at the beginning she was very fearful because she was going with other families and she knows how that dynamics are there. And I told her, remember that you are creating your reality. It's up to you to put the boundaries and, what you want to experience during the vacation. And, she has such a blessed time during the vacation. At the end she was like, I was able to stand with my standards, my set my boundaries really well. At the beginning it was, the first two days was a bit hard, but then it was just like so beautiful. We went to the beach and then seeing my children and then interacting and

Kristin - Host..:

Yeah.

Kena Siu:

then she was like. She was just amazed for the great time that she had and knowing how she has shifted realizing that was, she's creating a very reality for her and for her family.

Kristin - Host..:

Oh my goodness. I, yes. That's gotta feel just amazing for, not just for her, but also for you to know that you've helped someone else find such a, a, a place of joy in their life that they can go and just soak up all of the, the good things about their experience and focus on those.

Kena Siu:

exactly. Like I have another client that, um, she, she got divorced, so she was also a single mom. She needed to come back to work after many years, with her children was a bit, you know, not too well. And then

Kristin - Host..:

Oh, okay.

Kena Siu:

working in her anger, uh, behavior. By shifting that. one point I remember she, she wrote me a, a message, like she rarely did that, but that day she

Kristin - Host..:

Mm-hmm.

Kena Siu:

She was like, I'm so touched. She said like, because my daughter came and gave me a flower for the first time, just gave me chills. And she was like, I know it's me. She said, because I know I've been shifting the way I approach, them. And they've seen that I'm calmer. I'm not that stressed anymore. And the daughter just have, the impulse to do that because of course sometimes you don't need to talk towards is the energy right? Is the energy that you can feel it. And I'm sure her daughter felt the difference in her energy and she felt this impulse to give her a flower and she was super touched.

Kristin - Host..:

Yes.

Kena Siu:

Yeah.

Kristin - Host..:

Well, and I think that shows, her daughter's willingness just to come up to her, like that shows The energies that she's creating around herself and that the safe space that she is making for her daughter to, enter into her energy as well.

Kena Siu:

Mm-hmm.

Kristin - Host..:

So. Oh, that's lovely. I, as a mom I love that. you also talk about the sacred in InBetween space where, that is where someone is transforming. And so can you, maybe expand on what that term means to you and maybe how you, uh, initially help your clients understand that concept of a sacred in between.

Kena Siu:

I think is, I think we're always, I think we always are in the sacred inbetween, because we we're constantly growing and evolving. That's the truth. Like we, I mean, at one point we were, we were kids, we learned to, I mean, we were babies then we learned to, to walk, then we went to school, and then we met people for the first time. Then we had our first girlfriend, boyfriend, you went to university and then, you have probably the first official boyfriend or whatever, and then, first job. So all the time we are in that, in, in between because, um, we keep evolving. So it's a different

Kristin - Host..:

Oh

Kena Siu:

every time. We, not even the version that we were a month ago. Right.

Kristin - Host..:

right.

Kena Siu:

but I, I, I. Call it a sacred in between, because I do believe the life is sacred. Just being alive here,

Kristin - Host..:

Mm-hmm.

Kena Siu:

human spirits. Uh, well, it's a, it's a spiritual experience in a human body. It's just so, it's so beautiful. I mean, it's, I did, I didn't use to think like this of course,

Kristin - Host..:

Yeah. Yeah.

Kena Siu:

doing the work, uh, I came to realize this and, and life is so worth it. We are so worth

Kristin - Host..:

Mm-hmm.

Kena Siu:

it, we are deserving

Kristin - Host..:

Yes.

Kena Siu:

of anything and everything we want.

Kristin - Host..:

Mm-hmm.

Kena Siu:

It's just about, again, going through those processes of deprogramming, of unlearning to

Kristin - Host..:

Okay.

Kena Siu:

Program new Thingss and learn new thingss that serve us because we believe so many things that they don't serve us, but then believe something that is gonna serve you. Then act for something that is going to serve you Again. it's a choice and

Kristin - Host..:

Mm-hmm.

Kena Siu:

a decision as well.

Kristin - Host..:

Okay.

Kena Siu:

a decision and, uh, yeah, so the sacred in between, it's in between a version of you that it's already like outdated and a

Kristin - Host..:

Yeah,

Kena Siu:

you that you are becoming, that you are remembering more who you are. It's, it's, it's about that, that discovery that, uh, yeah, it's,

Kristin - Host..:

I love that.

Kena Siu:

discovery. I would say that.

Kristin - Host..:

Well, and the, the podcast of yours that I was listening to, just recently You're kind of talking about, um, that. Yeah. That concept of you're constantly evolving and so who you were, you know, just briefly before is not who you are currently and is not who you'll be. And so, yeah, just you're kind of talking about, um, going to paraphrase this, that yeah, just accepting the journey and being open to the experience of, you can't stay right where you are. You're always going to be, there's always going to be movement or evolution in your life. Um, just embracing that.

Kena Siu:

Exactly. Yeah. And thank you for mentioning that because it's not about like ignoring or overpassing or, you know, wanting to block something. No. It's about that evolution and that growth, that

Kristin - Host..:

Mm-hmm.

Kena Siu:

moment.'cause the more we enjoy the present moment, I mean, life happens now

Kristin - Host..:

Mm-hmm.

Kena Siu:

not in any other moment, right? So it's about, okay, let's see how life is, is driving

Kristin - Host..:

Yeah.

Kena Siu:

guiding us and, and, and be open to that unknown we are so afraid of.

Kristin - Host..:

Mm-hmm.

Kena Siu:

at one point everything was unknown.

Kristin - Host..:

Yeah. Yeah.

Kena Siu:

Like everything has been unknown. So it's just about trusting that and, and what the mind is trying to tell us to protect us. That's,

Kristin - Host..:

Mm-hmm.

Kena Siu:

does. It wants to protect us,

Kristin - Host..:

Yeah.

Kena Siu:

it's.

Kristin - Host..:

Yeah.

Kena Siu:

think it's important to be aware of that voice and saying, yeah, I know you're trying to protect me, but I really want to try this new thing, or this

Kristin - Host..:

Yes.

Kena Siu:

or this new job, or this trip that I want to do. You know, allowing ourselves to keep moving

Kristin - Host..:

I heard someone speaking once about how, your, your mind and your body wants what's familiar just because it, it gives it something that it can predict. And so even if familiar is not necessarily good for you, you know, maybe it was good for you at one point, but maybe it's no longer good for you. It's like your body keeps trying to take you back to, well, but I know this spot, so let's, let's go here. As opposed to being open for myself, I realized, um, I was Staying in a job that, similar to what you're saying, I think in reflecting back I was like,"oh, I think there wasn't the opportunity for growth and learning."'Cause I'd just done it long enough. And, but it felt safe because I am the primary income earner in our family. And I'm like,"oh well, but this job is safe and secure. And I wasn't letting myself, um, what felt like almost stepping off this ledge to see what could come. And, when I finally reached a point where I realized, nope, I need to go. See what is meant to be next for me. And, um, it's been, it's really allowed a lot of growth, not just in my career, but in me as a person. And it hasn't always been easy. There have been two different, layoffs, which is one of the things that I was most scared about, of going to something that wasn't as secure. But now I've had the chance to prove to myself that I'm capable of handling that and finding my way through that sense of unknown to, the next thing that can be good for me.

Kena Siu:

Yeah. Oh, thank you for that. Share. Yeah. And, and when we jump into it, I mean, it's when miracles and magic happens, we meet someone, we have new friendships, and then it's when we experience new things.'cause when we try to be in that safe place, uh, it's just, uh, it, it, it, it becomes painful.

Kristin - Host..:

Yeah. Well, that's a wrap on this episode of Happiness Unscripted. Thank you for joining me today as we uncover what it truly means to build a life we love. But stick with us. We're only halfway through this amazing story with Kena Siu Next week we'll pick up where we left off. Diving even deeper into their transformation and learning more about the lessons she can help you learn through Midlife Butterfly that can inspire each of us. Your presence here truly means so much to me. If this conversation sparks something in you, let us know. Before we wrap up, take a moment and choose one small idea from today's conversation to put into practice this week. Share it in the comments, your insights could inspire someone else on their journey. Don't forget to follow us on Facebook and Instagram for behind the scenes updates. Tap follow so you can never miss an episode and share this show with someone who might need a dose of happiness today. Leave a quick review or comment. Your feedback shapes our story and helps others discover Happiness Unscripted. I am Kristin DeSouza. See you next time as we keep moving forward together towards Happiness Unscripted. Let's get happy.

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Kristin DeSouza

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