Happiness Unscripted

Healing Through Hardship: Victoria Burmeister on Living Victoriously and Sharing Her Wisdom

• Kristin DeSouza • Season 2 • Episode 6

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In this powerful episode of Happiness Unscripted, Kristin DeSouza continues her conversation with Victoria Burmeister, a resilience advocate who overcame a devastating car accident at 19 that left her paralyzed. Victoria shares her journey of defying the odds, focusing on a positive mindset, and living without regrets. They discuss the importance of reclaiming joy, sensuality, and strength, as well as Victoria's experiences with love, parenting from a wheelchair, and her upcoming memoir, 'Whiplash but Not Broken.' This episode highlights the significance of a supportive mindset, embracing life's challenges, and the power of love and communication in overcoming hardships.

**Note: This episode touches on some triggering or sensitive topics, including suicide and intimate relationships.** 

Chapter Timestamps
00:00 Introduction to Happiness Unscripted
00:20 Victoria's Journey of Resilience
01:09 Mindset and Overcoming Negativity
03:01 Surviving a Stroke
06:24 Living with No Regrets
08:05 Advocacy for Joy, Sensuality, and Strength
11:09 Challenges in Relationships
17:51 Navigating Emotional Conversations
19:03 The Importance of Communication
19:59 Overcoming Public Scrutiny
20:52 Humor in Adversity
23:43 Reflecting on Relationships
27:51 Raising Children as a Single Parent
29:13 Finding Support in Hard Times
32:27 Final Thoughts and Encouragement

Connect with Victoria Burmeister, author of Whiplash but Not Broken:

🌐: https://lifewave.com/victoriaalen

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Hey there friends! Just a friendly reminder that this podcast is all about sharing ideas and having fun conversations. I'm not an expert in this subject over here - just a curious person exploring topics I find interesting. So please don't take anything said here as professional advice. When in doubt, chat with the real pros who know their stuff. Thanks for listening and hope you join us for the next episode! Now, let's dive in and get happy!

Kristin - Host..

Hello, and welcome to Happiness Unscripted, where we explore the real, unscripted journey of creating a meaningful, joyful life. I’m your host, Kristin DeSouza. Today, we’re back with part two of my conversation with Victoria Burmeister—an advocate for resilience, holistic healing, and living fully in the face of profound challenge. At 19, Victoria survived a devastating car accident that left her paralyzed, and since then she has continued to defy the odds, not just by surviving, but by truly thriving. In this episode, we go even deeper into Victoria’s mindset: how she chose to push negativity out of her life, what it means to “live with no regrets,” and why she believes we are meant to be victorious, not victims, of our circumstances. We talk about joy, sensuality, strength, love, divorce, parenting from a wheelchair, and learning to move forward after heartbreak. Victoria also shares more about her upcoming memoir, Whiplash but Not Broken, and the message she hopes it offers to anyone facing their own storm. Let’s step back into this powerful and deeply honest conversation with Victoria.

Kristin, Host

In some of the reading about you, in preparing for the interview, you write about defy odds and thriving in life. and I'm wondering, it sounds like from a pretty early point in your recovery, you were taking a pretty, serious focus on your mindset, but was there like a really, a turning point for you? Or was this something that kind of, from early on you were just focused on, understanding where the way I can achieve the most is through a positive mindset, Can you kind of talk about that mental process of it?

Victoria Burmeister

Well, when you think about it. When somebody's negative all the time.

Kristin, Host

Mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

That doesn't attract people to you. Right. It pushes people away. I needed my family, my friends, my boyfriend, I needed them. So to me, I had to be the same vic that I always was, and I was fine with that. Because I was like the Dear Abby to a lot of my friends that always ask me, what do you think? Or

Kristin, Host

mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

Talk to me about their problems. And I didn't want that to stop.

Kristin, Host

Okay.

Victoria Burmeister

Just because my life changed doesn't mean theirs have to.

Kristin, Host

Mm-hmm. Or theirs had to. And so that's where I had to force that.

Victoria Burmeister

Negativity out. I had to literally work it out.

Kristin, Host

Okay.

Victoria Burmeister

And, that's where, just focusing on the positive because no matter what your situation is, there is something positive in it. It may not be what you want, but it's what you need in the moment.

Kristin, Host

Okay.

Victoria Burmeister

Like six years ago I had a stroke, a hemorrhagic stroke.

Kristin, Host

Oh, okay.

Victoria Burmeister

And I had no clue it was happening. I had a headache.

Kristin, Host

Oh, okay.

Victoria Burmeister

I never, never have headaches. Mm. And I told my caregiver, I said, I've got a headache on my right side, and she's all, well, let me get you up in the chair and see if that helps. By the time she transferred me from the bed to the chair, I had the stroke.

Kristin, Host

Oh goodness.

Victoria Burmeister

When I went to put my arm around the armrest, I couldn't get my left arm to move.

Kristin, Host

Oh, okay.

Victoria Burmeister

I just, I had no control over it. She's looking at me like, what are you doing? And then she came around and saw my face.

Kristin, Host

Oh,

Victoria Burmeister

the facial droop. And I, I had a hard time talking.

Kristin, Host

Mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

I had seen the face droop in the mirror and I had to do a double take, like, what is going on, and, I knew that I had a stroke.

Kristin, Host

So she called the paramedics. My blood pressure due to the spinal cord injury was always very low in the eighties, over sixties. Oh, wow. Doctors would look at me like, are you all right? I'm like, yeah, I'm fine. And they're all, and you drove here with that blood pressure and I was like, yeah, they're all, I'm surprised it's not higher.

Victoria Burmeister

but I did, that's how I functioned. Mm-hmm. Because of the spinal cord injury. And I have hypothyroidism.

Kristin, Host

Okay.

Victoria Burmeister

So, with the stroke, my blood pressure was 1 98 over one 10. Oh. And they took me to the hospital and they did a CT scan and said that I had a brain bleed at the base of my brainstem. So they transported me to a specialty hospital for the stroke.

Kristin, Host

but I, was probably a good hour, hour and 15 minutes away from home Okay. From my caregivers. So for the four days that I was there, I didn't have my caregivers at all. Hmm. Okay. So I had to tell these people what to do to help me.

Victoria Burmeister

And when you have that speech impediment, it's very difficult. Yes. So the third day I told the doctor, When I am sharing with someone and I look at them and say, if I can do

Kristin, Host

mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

What I'm doing from a chair. What is stopping you?

Kristin, Host

Ah, okay.

Victoria Burmeister

You have all the means, the capability.

Kristin, Host

Mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

To get up and get ready for the day. You don't have to wait and rely on somebody and hoping they'll show up, because if they don't, you're stuck in bed.

Kristin, Host

Mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

And there's nothing that you can do.

Kristin, Host

Right. I mean, I was stuck in bed two days last week because a caregiver, caregiver didn't show up and I missed, I had to reschedule two podcasts. Yeah, you were one of them. So, it sucks relying on people and when you see someone, not doing something, and I'm like, why? Yeah. What is stopping you?

Victoria Burmeister

Well, I'll do it. next week I'll

Kristin, Host

mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

Yeah. And I'm like, we're not promised tomorrow.

Kristin, Host

Mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

I said that morning, I walked out of my apartment, I never walked back in.

Kristin, Host

Mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

I wished I would've done what I said I was going to do. I can never get that done now. Okay. And, do I've, I've learned that you have to live each day to the fullest. No regrets. So that at the end of the day you can smile and say, okay, I, I did what I wanted to do. I accomplished this. I set a goal, I achieved it.

Kristin, Host

Mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

I made amends with somebody I needed to make amends with or whatever the case is, but that. You can go to sleep and know that you ended the day a good person, nice to people, accomplished, and moving forward, focused on what's next.

Kristin, Host

Excellent.

Victoria Burmeister

Because of not being promised tomorrow, that doesn't necessarily mean. Not ever waking up, that is a possibility.

Kristin, Host

Mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

But I had the accident, my life changed for the different

Kristin, Host

mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

And I'll never be able to, to do some of the things that I put aside for tomorrow.

Kristin, Host

Oh, okay. That's a very poignant perspective of reasons to follow through on the things that really matter to you, not to procrastinate on them. I like that. so, I was really curious about, and found it kinda a very striking aspect of your advocacy, you describe it as focusing on helping others reclaim joy, sensuality and strength. And I feel like, these aren't words that I feel you hear people talk about very often in terms of their path to recovery. I feel like you hear them talking about, hardships that they overcame and kind of more along those lines. And so, I really think that. It's such an interesting message to embrace, and I'd love to hear why, you think each of these three things were important to you as kinda your, pillars that you seem to touch on as describing your message.

Victoria Burmeister

Richard and I were together for four months when I had the accident.

Kristin, Host

Mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

The fact that. He made the decision. Nobody asked him to, to come up and spend that time with me on the weekends.

Kristin, Host

Mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

Spoke volumes. Then I'm in the shower with my nurse and I hear the door open.

Kristin, Host

Mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

I'm like, who is coming in here in the middle of my bath? I'm like, do I cover up? What's going on? Yeah. I hear him. I was furious. I, I have a hard time with this sometimes because I remember that feeling so strongly of wanting to be the same person

Kristin, Host

mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

That I was before the accident with him. Oh, and I couldn't be that person.

Kristin, Host

Mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

After the accident because of what I was able to do and not do. Okay. I mean, I was still the same person. My abilities had changed. Right. And it went from being able to do certain things to having to rely on him to do it.

Kristin, Host

Oh, okay.

Victoria Burmeister

And talk about depths of conversations.

Kristin, Host

Oh my. Yeah.

Victoria Burmeister

And you really have to be open.

Kristin, Host

Mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

You have to embrace what it means to you to be able to share that with someone.

Kristin, Host

Mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

And how that's going to get accomplished.

Kristin, Host

Oh, okay.

Victoria Burmeister

And the, at Christmas time, the physical therapist, the nurses. They got together and they got a room for us at a hotel.

Kristin, Host

Oh my goodness. That's so sweet.

Victoria Burmeister

Yeah, it was very nice. They really admired Richard.

Kristin, Host

Mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

For the commitment that he was making, the dedication.

Kristin, Host

Mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

He had towards me. And I would imagine they see a lot of going the other way with relationships when people first come to their facility, especially at 19. Yes, that's true. Especially, so I was 19, he was 20 and, If somebody would've told me, oh, this was gonna happen to you.

Kristin, Host

Mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

I would've been like, eh, I don't think so.

Kristin, Host

Right.

Victoria Burmeister

But how do you prepare for something like that? You can't.

Kristin, Host

No.

Victoria Burmeister

So when people tell me, I don't know what I do, if that ever happened to me, I wanna kill myself. I'm like, you might be able to say that now, but when you're in it,

Kristin, Host

mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

I can't say that that thought never crossed my mind 'cause it did.

Kristin, Host

Mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

But I thought with my luck, if I did anything, like kept moving forward into that pool

Kristin, Host

mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

And somebody finally rescued me and it was too far onto the side

Kristin, Host

mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

Of where the damage was done.

Kristin, Host

Mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

I'd end up in a worse situation than I was already in. I'm like, you dummy, you're so accident prone, and you have a most horrible luck.

Kristin, Host

Mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

You really think that's a smart idea and that changed my mind right there. So, and I,

Kristin, Host

I love that description of the thought process that you went through with that.

Victoria Burmeister

Yeah. It, was, was quick and fast and I'm glad it was, 'cause I was right there on the edge of the pool

Kristin, Host

Wow.

Victoria Burmeister

When I lived in Maui. Just wondering why. And yeah.

Kristin, Host

Well, I imagine that, as you're describing just to do the things that you want to do physically is, Just such a much greater effort than what, it was prior to this that I can see how that would be very challenging at times not to become so discouraged that you're like, I'm just, I, I'm done. I'm tired, sort of thing. So I can certainly understand having those thoughts, but, Again, just what a great message in terms of coming through and shifting the mindset. As you've talked about throughout our conversation.

Victoria Burmeister

There is a very good movie that, it's one of my favorites, called Me Before You.

Kristin, Host

Mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

The gentleman is able-bodied and he gets hit by a motorcycle and ends up a quad and he can't move his arms.

Kristin, Host

Mm-hmm. He has to use a mouthpiece to move the chair. Okay.

Victoria Burmeister

And they hire a caregiver who has no clue what she's doing. She's quirky and cute, but they fall in love.

Kristin, Host

Oh, okay.

Victoria Burmeister

I won't give away the ending, but he says something to her there that has resonated with me and it's so true. You don't ever want someone to. Miss out on something that they could have with someone else because they're with me.

Kristin, Host

Oh, goodness.

Victoria Burmeister

And knowing, I mean, I'm an open book. I can't hide anything about my situation, and I wouldn't want to.

Kristin, Host

Mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

So from day one of somebody meeting me, it's it, it's out.

Kristin, Host

Right.

Victoria Burmeister

Here you go. So it's, well covered territory and when they change their mind or they make me feel like I'm a burden or an imposition, I'm like, you knew. Right what you were getting yourself into. Now it's too much. Mm-hmm. Or now it's not enough, or not what you want. Or like I was told on my wedding night, too much work.

Kristin, Host

Oh my goodness.

Victoria Burmeister

Intimacy was too much work. And I was like, huh. Nice.

Kristin, Host

Yeah. Okay. Oh goodness. Yeah.

Victoria Burmeister

That, that's what would used to have known before I said I do.

Kristin, Host

Exactly. That's what I was thinking. I was like, oh, that's maybe a, conversation, struggle to bring up before you have the wedding ceremony.

Victoria Burmeister

Goodness. Yeah. So five and a half years that we've been married, there's been no intimacy, no kissing, handholding, touching nothing.

Kristin, Host

Oh my goodness.

Victoria Burmeister

It's purely a financial arrangement That is

Kristin, Host

Okay.

Victoria Burmeister

One of the reasons why we're getting a divorce.

Kristin, Host

Ah, okay.

Victoria Burmeister

So, I want someone that sees me

Kristin, Host

Yeah.

Victoria Burmeister

That is proud to be with me, excited to be with me.

Kristin, Host

Mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

And that I add to them. I compliment them.

Kristin, Host

Right.

Victoria Burmeister

I don't wanna take away, I don't want them to feel like they settled.

Kristin, Host

Mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

You can ask me anything. I don't care what it is. I've been asked every question in the book and trust me, it goes there. 'cause when you're on a dating site, what's the first thing guys wanna know?

Kristin, Host

Right?

Victoria Burmeister

How do you do this? And I said the same way I did it before it the same way I'm sure you do it.

Kristin, Host

Mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

How, how else does it get done?

Kristin, Host

Right.

Victoria Burmeister

You, creative and you think out of the box.

Kristin, Host

Mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

And you have to do that with a lot of situations.

Kristin, Host

Mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

But when he said that in that movie, I was like, that's exactly right.

Kristin, Host

Oh, okay.

Victoria Burmeister

I don't ever want my partner to feel that.

Kristin, Host

Mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

Way. Because when you're with someone in a situation such as this or with a walker cane

Kristin, Host

mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

And a scooter, whatever the case is, right, there are certain things that they will be able to do with you or they, won't. Mm-hmm. And your outlook on that and how you, make them feel like, oh. That's kind of a bummer. Right? So now what? Right, right. That's not cool, No, it's like, it's like, well, There's other things we can do, so let's figure it out and keep moving.

Kristin, Host

Yeah. Okay. I like that attitude.

Victoria Burmeister

Definitely. if you know that I can't go on a rocky, hike with you or climb, a mountain with you and you make me feel guilty because when you wanna go do it, I can't. Right. I knew that. Why didn't you figure that out?

Kristin, Host

Yeah, I was gonna say, and it's a pretty obvious Well, and that makes me think about, to your point. Your limitation is pretty upfront right from the beginning, but to your perspective of, your very open book, on the flip side, that could be that you're bringing, a really great emotional experience and just dialogue to someone when there's plenty of other people that, That's where that's a real struggle is, having those conversations that are delicate and, maybe not something that you grew up learning how to do. And so to your point, like, I guess I feel like you find. A relationship, whether it's in a partnership or a friendship, the strengths and weaknesses that each person brings. Mm-hmm. And, you kind of gotta understand that. And recog, I find recognizing the positive things that this person brings to my life is where, can really. Find the joy in, in the interaction.

Victoria Burmeister

And so yeah, you have to know how to communicate. Mm-hmm. You just do, and that is one of another great gift that my dad gave to me. He, we talked. At dinner time. Mm-hmm. We didn't just sit there and eat and watch tv. Right. We had conversations mm-hmm. About our day, about school, about the business, about whatever we communicated.

Kristin, Host

Mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

When I had my children. I probably over communicated with them and they're like, and I'm like, if you guys don't learn how to communicate, you're gonna have a hard time in relationships, friendships, partners. Yeah. In your job rules. You have to know how to talk. Mm-hmm. And you have to know, when people ask you questions, it's okay. Yeah. Because you're, my kids had a hard time when people ask them questions about me. Ah, they had a hard time when we would go out and they would like, have to help me with something. Mm-hmm. Whether eating something that I couldn't hold or it was too hot for me to hold, like a slice of pizza mm-hmm. Or sandwich or, just taking a drink. Mm-hmm. And, When they would see people stare at, they'd get very angry. and I said, it's okay, because if the tables were turned and you saw somebody doing that to somebody else, you would be, Hmm. I wonder what that's all about. Mm-hmm. What caused that to happen? Mm-hmm. Or whatever, Right. I said, it's a human, it's, a natural curiosity for people. Mm-hmm. I That's great. They're pondering something. Yeah. Or admirable or, I, I mean, I, think the easiest way I got over it, I was, I was out with, Richard's best friend, Dean and his girlfriend. Mm-hmm. This was, I think after Richard and I had broken up. And they came and got me and we went for pizza. And Dean was always a comedian and he acted like the, pizza was an airplane. He was like, and I'm like, would you stop? And people go open the hanger. Here comes here. Dean. Yeah. And people were kind of laughing and I was like. So I took a bite and I almost bit his finger. Oh. And I said, stop it. And he just laughed. And I said, I looked at people and I'm like, see what I have to put up with Uhhuh? And they just filed and they said, oh, you're such a good sport about it. I said, trust me, I'll get him back later. They just, they laughed. you've gotta go with the flow.

Kristin, Host

Mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

And be okay with it. Because it, gonna happen.

Kristin, Host

Mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

And if you have a negative reaction to that, what is that gonna make the person feel?

Kristin, Host

Mm-hmm.

Victoria Burmeister

What is it gonna make them think?

Kristin, Host

Yeah.

Victoria Burmeister

Oh, that person must not be very happy.

Kristin, Host

Right, right. Well then I feel like that's. You're then drawing kind of what you were talking about earlier, negativity into yourself as opposed to doing what you can to release it and, not hold onto something like that. you keep circling back to, so many great examples of how your perspective on things really can set the tone for yourself and you know, your ability to, influence that and shift it into a positive, position for oneself. So I appreciate that.

Victoria Burmeister

And sometimes people, when they come to me and, they're complaining or mm-hmm. Something, and I'm kind of looking at 'em and I'm like, Hmm. And they're all, oh, I guess I'm kind of complaining to the wrong person just a little bit, possibly. Mm-hmm. I'm like, now can you see where if you had made a better choice mm-hmm. You might not be where you are today. Yeah. Well, okay. and then they wanna change the subject. Mm-hmm. I have empathy for people when they, are going through things, but if you don't make the best choice, and my friends are being silly about it mm-hmm. I'm gonna call you out on it. Yeah. Definitely. And I'm like, you forget, I know what it's like to be able bodied. Yeah. And I know what it's like to be in the situation I'm in. Mm-hmm. So. You can't really pull the wool over my eyes. Yes, yes. and so that gives me a different perspective. Mm-hmm. And some people like it and some people don't. And I'm like, that's okay. Not everybody's gonna jive with it. Yeah. And, it's, all right. everybody has a difference of opinion. Yeah. But, I just tried to be real. Mm-hmm. Open, honest, and this is me. Yeah. And I, I don't know. I have my good days, I have my bad days, and it was important for me, especially with Richard. Mm-hmm. On the sensuality thing. To have him know it was still me. Mm-hmm. We were both facing uncharted waters. Right. We were gonna have to figure it out. And we did.

Kristin, Host

I was gonna say, it sounds like you did from the way you talk about it, so that's wonderful.

Victoria Burmeister

there is a chapter in my book about Richard and that night. Okay. And I had to tell him what to do. Mm-hmm. I was not comfortable doing that. I'm like, what? I, I have to tell him, doesn't he just know, doesn't he remember Uhuh? He wanted me to tell him what to do, and I mm-hmm. I had to be okay with that and, right. in the three years that he and I were together, our communication skills, we tapped into. Depths that I don't think we even knew were possible. Oh. And, our friends would always say, you guys are like the perfect married couple. When are you getting married? Oh. And I'd look at him and I'm like, Hmm. Yeah. And, for the reasons that it didn't work out, it didn't. And I will never, ever take. Away anything that Richard did for me. Mm-hmm. Because what he did during those three years, if he hadn't been the man that he was, I don't think I would've been as far. And had gotten to where I was. Mm-hmm. If it hadn't been for him.

Kristin, Host

Yeah. It sounds like, you've talked about kind of right time, right place, and when God is ready for that, it sounds like, he was the right person for you at that stage to help you through kind of this evolution and change that you were gonna be going through.

Victoria Burmeister

Yeah.

Kristin, Host

That's beautiful that he was there to bring you to a comfort level about those things for moving forward in life. I love that.

Victoria Burmeister

He, he let me know that I could love again. Mm-hmm. That I could be loved. Lovely. And, I, I never got the closure as to why he broke up with me. Mm-hmm. I couldn't understand. why, what happened Did. Okay. Because we, I thought every aspect mm-hmm. I'll put it that way, of our relationship was good. And, I guess there was something missing and I don't know what that was. Mm. I'd love to know. Mm-hmm. So that I don't ever make that mistake again. But now I've had three failed marriages. And two of them, two narcissistic men. Oh goodness. And one to someone who decided when the money ran out from the lawsuit, he didn't wanna be financially responsible.

Kristin, Host

Oh wow. Oh goodness.

Victoria Burmeister

And he was the father of my two children. So when he walked out, I was now a single parent with two preteens, and I was having to raise them from a chair.

Kristin, Host

Oh goodness.

Victoria Burmeister

Yay me.

Kristin, Host

Well, from the way you talk about, your interaction with your kids, though, it sounds like you did really establish a strong connection with them, and maybe that's a, great final question for us here in terms of, what? Through that hardship, what did you find that really helped you to connect with them and, move forward from such a difficult situation?

Victoria Burmeister

when the money ran out and I wasn't working mm-hmm. I was a busy stay at home mom. That was never home. I taught and tutored in the schools. I, I did the mom thing, right. And now I have to keep a roof over our heads, make sure my kids have what they need. Mm-hmm. That we have what we need. And I was freaking out. My kids never saw that. Okay. They saw a mom that was resilient, a survivor and overcomer and. I made it happen. Mm-hmm. But it wasn't just me. God put people in my path that I never thought I would've had to go to, to ask for help. Okay. But they, were open to it. They were receptive. They did not expect anything from me in return. Mm-hmm. And I appreciated that because. I'm strong in my faith, in my relationship, and I had to go to the, Bishop of the Mormon church. Mm. For help with my electric. Oh, okay. And during the summertime here with the pool pot mm-hmm. I was facing almost $600 a month for electric. Oh my goodness. Yes. And when I'm working and I'm getting my social security, I'm trying to. Pay a mortgage, bills on the house, a $600 electric bill is a big chunk of change. Exactly. So I told him, I said, this is my situation, but I will be honest with you. I will never step foot in your church, but I do need help. Mm-hmm. So he said, I want to come to your house. And he did, and we chatted and an elder came with him and he appreciated my honesty that I didn't just tell him I would come. Mm-hmm. And not show up. So he provided my electric throughout the summer. Oh wow. Okay. And so that's what I mean. God just put people in place. It took me three years to get a job to work from home. Oh my goodness. Okay. I was freaking out. Mm-hmm. And every month, during that three years, I had to call Bank of America to postpone the foreclosure of our home. Oh, okay. 'cause Social Security found out that I was working and stopped my Social security. Oh my goodness. So I could not pay the mortgage on the house anymore. And the money I was getting from my job, I was working overtime, but they tax, the mm-hmm. The overtime like crazy and I'm, I'm working, sometimes 60, 70 hours a week and I'm like, where's the extra, the majority of it's going to the taxes, so. I, I didn't know what to do, but my kids had food, they had clothes. I was resourceful and through the schools and the church, signed up for things for Christmas, for their birthdays to help. during those times, the holidays, so my kids never went without nice. They didn't always have what they wanted, but they had what they needed. They needed. Lovely. Mm-hmm.

Kristin, Host

Well, and I think your, yeah, resourcefulness, I think that really, sums up what you were describing there and that you made sure it happened.

Victoria Burmeister

Well, God walked before me. He. nothing's a surprise to him.

Kristin, Host

So Victoria, I think you've just shared such a, eye-opening experience for so many. Everyone listening here on, something that not very many of us can really appreciate, and I really appreciate that you've shared that with us and given us that chance to, expand our understanding, about what it's like to live with the situation that you're in and also, just the amazing outlook and mindset that you have really cultivated for yourself through all of these years. And so to close with, what would you like to share with the audience?

Victoria Burmeister

Well, when you see someone see the individual, not the situation they're in. See them for the hard work that they've done to get to where they're, at. some people may have been at up longer than others. You never know, but, it's, always okay to just say, Hey, could I help you with anything and just let them answer you. Some people may accept it, some people may not. But it, a way to start up a conversation and I guess it's just empowering the more people that, can learn to see the individual and respect everything that they've been through. And think if they had to walk a mile in their shoes, how would they be feeling?

Kristin, Host

Oh, that is, that's such a good way to put so many components of that. First of all, I love, I think, sometimes it can be scary to be the one to, to say, can I help you? Because you're always worried about, well, do they want to be asked that question or do they get asked that question too much? And so I think that's great to hear that. it's always okay to. Put that out there as an opener, and then just be receptive to whatever the response is and, if they need help, be willing to give it. And if they say, no, I don't need it, I'm fine, then, know that you've at least done your best to connect and help another human. And then. Listen to what they did or didn't need from you. So I really like that aspect of it. And then also, the walking mile in their shoes. I think that can really help someone maybe think about ways to connect better with an individual that, has a disability or just someone that maybe, You struggle to connect with in your workplace or a family member, anything like that, that if you can kind of pause and think about it from a different perspective, that that can help you engage in a constructive way.

Victoria Burmeister

Exactly.

Kristin, Host

I'm hoping to ask you a final question, in light of the fact that I call the podcast Happiness Unscripted, what do you hope, you know when thinking about your book, what do you hope readers, and particularly those facing their own challenges or setbacks as the book describes them, take away from your story and, if someone's listening to happiness unscripted in the midst of their own dark moment, what message would you want them to hear about?

Victoria Burmeister

when you are in the midst of a storm, I always tell people it's, kind of like if you're treading water and you see a wave coming, take that breath take that breath and be prepared to feel the weight of that wave, but you will come up. Oh, okay. Like, like I said earlier too, there is something positive in every situation. When I had the spinal cord injury, it could have been worse. I could have ended up with a ventilator, a respirator, bedridden. I could have died. But I didn't, and when I had the stroke, I could have died with that. I could have not fully recovered. you just have to look at it and be open to what that, positive thing might be I just wanna take a moment and thank you for all your time today and just sharing, so openly that, really speaks to what I'm looking to help, foster and set examples of is that, whatever challenge we're facing, we can talk about it and, find. Support through other people's examples that it is possible to move through those challenging times and, just keep focusing on what's the one positive thing in a situation. So I really appreciate all of those examples that you've shared with us in so many ways today. Thank you. I look forward to what's to come.

Kristin - Host..

Spending this time with Victoria Burmeister has been such a powerful reminder that while we can’t always choose what happens to us, we can choose how we respond, what we focus on, and how we move forward. If you’re in the middle of your own storm right now, I hope Victoria’s words gave you something to hold onto—a new way to see your situation, permission to look for even one small positive, or simply the reassurance that you are not alone and you are not broken. You are still becoming. Take a moment after this episode to reflect: What is one thing Victoria said that you want to carry with you this week? Maybe it’s her image of coming up for air after the wave, her commitment to living with no regrets, or her encouragement to really see the person behind the situation. If you feel comfortable, share that takeaway with a friend or on social media—it might be exactly what someone else needs to hear. If this two-part series with Victoria resonated with you, it would mean a lot if you left a positive review for Happiness Unscripted and shared these episodes with someone who could use a bit of hope and honesty in their own life. That helps the podcast reach more listeners and keeps these conversations going. You can also follow Happiness Unscripted on Facebook and Instagram for updates, behind-the-scenes thoughts, and news about future episodes—and of course, we’ll share when Victoria’s memoir Whiplash but Not Broken is released. I’m Kristin DeSouza. Thank you for listening, for reflecting, and for doing this work in your own life. Until next time—let’s get happy.

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Kristin DeSouza

Host